When I was 15, my high school English teacher recommended I read some Russian literature. This copy of Crime and Punishment was the first piece I read. It was from these words by Dostoevsky that my love of Russian literature, and later this blog, were born. I can genuinely say that teacher changed the course of my life. Ten years later I made the pilgrimage to Russia (Moscow, Saint Petersburg, Yasnaya Polyana) to meet my literary heroes. I brought this book with me.
When I read a book I own I always mark it up. It’s my way of engaging with the book, communicating with it. I always write comments and in the front I note what year those comments were made in. Then when I re-read the book I write in a different ink color and note the year again. What I end up with is a window into my mind at different ages. It’s an interesting way to see how my perspective has (or hasn’t) changed.
The purple notes in my Crime and Punishment copy are from my 15-year-old self. As you can see, not much has changed. I was surprised at how woke (and bitter) I already was at that age.
Humor aside, it was a powerful feeling to make new notes in this book ten years later from my hotel room in Russia. My 15-year-old self could never have imagined that I would one day take that book across the world in pursuit of an intellectual passion.
I know I’ve been very sappy about my trip to Russia, forgive me if it’s becoming grating. But I think it’s easy to alter the views we have of our past, for better or worse, for preservation or denial. I was never one for keeping a diary, but it turns out my books have served the same purpose. I hope ten years from now I’m sitting on the Trans-Siberian railway with this book and smiling at my 25-year-old self.
You are so wonderful!